Gluttony 2009...

Scott's Story:

     I don’t even know where to begin with this trip. Maybe it’s because it took place over Valentines weekend and I am writing about it six months later. But, I guess it’s better now than never writing about it.
My beautiful wife had a great plan for my valentines present. She was going to take me to the Heart Attack Grill where I could enjoy the 8,000 calorie Quadruple Bypass Burger. The burger has four ½ pound patties, covered in at least 8 pieces of cheese, and the bun is toasted using lard. Nothing healthy is allowed in the building. Our second stop of the trip would be to The Claim Jumper restaurant where we would have a piece of the Mother Load, a huge seven layered chocolate cake. For obvious reasons we titled this little trip Gluttony 2009.
     The plan was for me, Celeste, Brett, Leonard (Alex), and Jessica to leave town after work on Friday right after work and drive throughout the night and arrive in Phoenix Saturday morning. I guess our first clue that the trip wasn’t going to happen as planned was when Jessica canceled on us making Celeste the only Women in the group. The other problems we encountered on the way down included a snowstorm north of St. George, and Leonard deciding it was better to urinate on the strip instead of finding a bathroom.
We arrived in Phoenix checked into the hotel and made our way to the first site of gluttony. We were all complete tourists. We took pictures going in, of the interior, and of the Nurses (waitresses). I guess we made such a scene that a Chinese news reporter who was doing a piece on the Heart Attack Grill asked if he could interview us and video tape us all eating the burgers. We agreed and settled in for our meal. Celeste ordered the Single Bypass, fries, and water. The rest of us ordered the Quadruple, fries, and drinks. I got the Coke, the stuff imported from Mexico made from real sugar, not the corn syrup stuff.
     We all went to work on the meal. Admittedly Celeste was the first one done, and then had to watch the rest of us make fools of ourselves as we tried to finish off the burger. The burgers were amazingly good. I was in the lead for a little more than half of the burger, but Leonard was the first one of us guys to finish. I admit I was shocked and sickened by how fast he finished his. I did great for the first three patties. The fourth one was a complete struggle and I was worried I wouldn’t finish. By the end of the burger I hated the taste and smell of beef. Unfortunately for me the microphone for the interview caught me telling Celeste that I was going to throw up. I did finish the burger, and I kept it down. My final total was the burger, one order of fries, and two Cokes. Brett was the only one that did not finish his burger.
     All told after that meal I felt greasy, dirty, and I could feel my heart slowing down. Leonard and I were wheeled out to the car by the nurses and had many more pictures taken. We then finished our interview for the Chinese television show and made great fools of ourselves. Later that night we made it to the Claim Jumper and had a slice of the Mother Load. It was as good as I remember. I don’t think we ate another full meal for three days.
     The ride home was another trip full of goofing off. We shamelessly took pictures of two people getting arrested at Hoover Dam; stopped in at the New York, New York Casino where Celeste won20 cents at the slot machines, and Brett played video roulette. Leonard then frightened people by once again not using a bathroom and filling up a Gatorade bottle while I was driving on I-15.
     We arrived home late Monday evening where Celeste politely informed me that never again would she go on another trip with my friends with no other women present. I agreed with her…

Celeste's Story:
The drive was long!!!  The snow was scary!!!  Vegas was dirty and smokey!!! The company was.... okay!!!  Arizona was nice and warm!!!  The burger was yummy!!!  The cake was divine!!!  The drive was even longer!!!